Tag: big dick

Everyday Rape

On July 6, 2018

In Harrasment, Sexual Inequality, Talking About Sex

This is a story i need to get off my chest. It starts well. But this blog is about sexual reality, not just a bunch of stories for random men to jack off to. This whole situation has made me incredibly angry. I don’t want to work. I dont want to be nice. And i certainly dont want to make more gross men cum.

It happened with a giant cock. The first time we met was in the bus. It was late. We couldn’t move around much and had to be sneaky. He couldn’t hurt me with his giant dick. It was quite fun. It was exciting to have such a fat dick to try out and play with. The second time was at his apartment. He has two annoying dogs. I hate dogs. I don’t really remember the details that much. We ate indian food which was good. And obviously I didn’t “split the bill”, women who do that ruin the world for the ones who believe in chivalry or actually have more to offer than most men thus deserve to be paid for. The sex was good. I didn’t want to stop playing with it, but it did hurt a lot. We kept having to stop, change positions, etc. I had my toys with me and i got to cum around that fat dick a lot. I would cum just when it slid in me. Even in the morning we had a bit more sex. We had a good time. I was meant to be leaving town that day. But i decided to get some new tires so i had to stay two more nights to wait to get them fitted and delivered.

I took the next night to myself out at my spot outside Vegas. But i thought it would be a good idea to have some more sex before i left town, incase I wouldn’t get any for a while. I never really see anyone more than once. When i do, they start to annoy me, the sex isn’t ever as good, it can actually become kinda awkward and less fun, i start to notice parts of their personality i don’t like and i become more true to myself, rather than just being fun and easy-going. I often am not around long enough to see people more than once or we just kind of ghost each other after the first or second time. I am not after a relationship or even finding connections to people. Been there done that, definitely dont need it.

So this was the fateful third meeting with the giant dick. I can call people out on pretty deep and personal parts of their personality very quickly and easily. And i had sensed a darkness within this boy. He revealed i was right and had quite an angry and violent past. I could sense he wasnt as authentic as he made out and that he was covering up large parts of himself to seem nice to me. His dogs annoyed me again.

I can’t remember if we had normal sex first or if the shit storm happened right away. I think it was during out second sex, because I had gotten really sore already. It took me two days to recover from the last meeting. And i got sore very quickly. I know my body. I know my vagina. I am a PROFESSIONAL at sex. Yet men think they know better than me when it comes to how to fuck.

Because his dick was so big I needed him to fuck me slowly and deep, rather than long or fast strokes. I made this clear EVERY time we had sex. Occasionally speeding up felt good but I couldn’t take it very long. This time i wanted to cum before we finished. I was tired and i wanted to go to sleep. I had a long drive the next day. And my pussy was hurting a lot.

I was lying face down with him straddling my legs and his cock inside me. I needed him to keep it fairly still and let me slide up and down it and grind on it in a way that didn’t hurt me and would make me cum. But every single time I started to enjoy it, he would speed up and start just fucking me. I would push back on him and tell him to stop, that it was hurting and that I couldn’t do that. He stopped again and let me take over. And again as i was enjoying it, he sped up and just started fucking me. Again i told him to stop. He was hurting me, it didn’t feel good and he was ruining it for me. Again he apologised and said he would let me do my thing. And AGAIN he couldn’t keep any fucking control of his fat annoying ass and started pumping at me. I was getting pretty angry by this point and when he started speeding up AGAIN, i freaked the fuck out. I pushed up and used my body to get him off me and get out from under him while telling him to get the fuck off me. I was saying “No no no i can’t do this, get the fuck off me, how the fuck can’t you do the ONE thing im asking you to do? You keep hurting me, I cant do this, its fucking gross.” He started apologizing and immediately made it worse….

“I’m sorry…i cant control myself.”

That was it. I was so done. However. I am a woman. And I don’t want to cause problems with a random man, in his house, with a self admitted history of violence. I apologised saying i was very sensitive to this kind of shit. And i stayed and went to sleep at his. In the morning it was awkward and i wanted to leave as early as i can. I stayed polite. But i did not feel polite.

In the hours and days since this, i have gotten increasingly angry and disgusted at his behaviors and at myself for letting it happen to me. Yes i stopped it. But i was fucking someone who “couldn’t control themselves” with a women, when his dick was so big it would hurt anyone. The more i dwelled on it, the more i could see it in all our interactions from the start. He was pushy and domineering but as a boy who is 7 years younger than me, it just made me think he was an idiot. Like dude, you may think you know shit, but you’re 27. You don’t know shit. And clearly he has no idea how to treat a woman.

I am so put off by all sex as now i see how deeply one-sided it is. I have 20 years and hundreds of men, and years of professional service under my belt. But when i fuck ANY guy, it’s a pre decided order of life that they control how we fuck. Because it is their dick inside me, its down to them to choose how that goes. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Why is it assumed that men know how best to fuck? Why do men get to pump at any rate they see fit? Why do they never let a woman with 10-100 times more experience than them, take the lead? Why do no men LISTEN to a woman when their dick is hard? It’s so fucking gross. I feel so fucking violated. And now I don’t want to give any man the keys to my body. They do not respect my specific sexuality.

The only sex i really enjoy is paid sex. These men understand the dynamic. They understand they are seeing a professional. They treat me with respect and give me the power, the control. They don’t need to micro manage me. Do normal men walk into kitchens at restaurants and tell the chef how to cook their food? Because that is what they are doing to me, every time i fuck a man who doesn’t give me the control.

As a woman, i am just a hole for a man to use how it feels best for his dick. He might be doing things he thinks is good for the woman….but guess what…WE KNOW BEST about what feels good for us and often, anything you do, isn’t what we want. But there is no precedent for men to lie back and let a woman use their body for their pleasure.

One of the reasons i like sucking dick is cause i make them just lie there, not touch my head, not thrust, not do anything. Just lie there and let me enjoy playing with their dick as my own toy. I get weird with it. I’m not trying to suck it in a way that feels good to them, im doing what i want with my mouth and hands. As soon as they ask something or move in a way to hint at me doing something or try to control the situation, I feel sick. I want to stop.

Why cant men let us enjoy using their tool as WE see fit? We have played with our vaginas our whole life’s, but you think you can make it feel good by poking us with your random pole? No. We know best. Stop fucking how you want. And start letting the woman show you how to treat her vagina. We aren’t passive objects to be pleasured. And a grown ass fucking man should easily be able to “control himself” around us. There are self-aware, strong women who know what they want out there, so I suggest you start listening to us. I don’t need to feel like im getting raped ever again.

Ps. I don’t need to hear he is a douche or any sympathy. He is no exception. He is no different to MOST men. I do not need to hear it. This is normal day-to-day life as a sexual woman. I am just exposing it.

Black Friday

By SkySmith

On November 24, 2017

In Autobiography, Life Theory, Sex Story

Apt. I am feeling black. I havent written in a negative mood yet and i need to. it is a feeling that is with me as often as the joy, happiness and peace i feel. Actually I think i still find myself feeling dark more than half the time still.

I think i need to sign off dating apps now too. i announced my hatred of social media and my leaving it behind today.

The more i try and connect to other people, find like minded people, or look at what other people are doing similar to me, the more i feel like im alone. The less similar i feel. The more frustrated i get that the vast majority of people will never understand the world the way i do or want to live in it the way i do, the less excited about my own choices i am. The more i try and find my place and people, the less i can imagine ever having it. The more i hear about what other people think about the world and how other people should and shouldnt be in it, the more trapped I feel and the less i feel like i can survive another day and it all but wipes out my ability to picture, plan or even imagine my future.

I stopped posting on social media and reading feeds every day approximately 3-4 months ago now. And I feel so much better. Right here, right now, in the real world, i am ok. when i had a whole other identity…and in fact i had two and up to four versions of me at any one time…living online, I had to worry about how that person was being perceived, what she was saying, who was contacting her, what for, what do you want, has she pissed someone off, was she too real, too fat, too sexy, not sexy enough, too honest, too angry, was she making money, what do all the faceless, nameless observers to her life, think of her. It is too much. Its too much for me to worry about, to care about. What did i get from putting myself out there and living online through social media? Its had a barely comment able affect on my income professionally, even though people are told its an essential marketing tool. i havent got hundreds of friends who would come to my side if i needed help. i havent stayed in touch with all the people i met travelling. i am up to date with peoples lives that have no baring on my day to day life, and neither i do have a spot in theirs. The few good connections i do have on social media, unfortunately does not balance out the emotion and time ive put into social media. Me being on social media is not a mutually beneficial arrangement and i do not benefit from massive companies making billions more profit from all of our freely uploaded content. And i have had enough.

i used to love social media. i defended it and my over use of it to the death. i proclaimed its many benefits. but when i was assessing my life and figuring out what i needed to do in order to make myself happier, i fell back on the quote “how can you expect a different outcome when you keep doing the same things”. after working online for the last 7 years and being pretty much addicted to the internet for 20 years, i realised this is what i needed to do differently. It was the only constant i was maintaining in my life, the curated social media pages, and the internets potential to make me money. I had to stop. i deleted the apps off my phone and i accepted the internet was not able to provide me with any income in the near future. I stopped posting. I stopped reading feeds, i stopped scrolling. And it worked. Without those other entities, representations of me, other lives online, the anxiety, stress, anger, frustration, pain and comparisons stopped. I still go on my pages when im on a browser, but i keep my intake of information as brief and functionary as possible. On the days i havent, i have let myself go down that rabbit hole, and all those feelings re surface. I now have personal knowledge on the detrimental effect of social media on my every day life and mental health and how much better my life is without it. At least when i fall back into the rabbit hole i can see how ridiculous the whole set up and “information” is anyway. And im not missing anything.
I think im at the same point with sex and especially dating apps. I cant find what i want, who i want to do it with or anyone who even understands my sexuality. I spend a disproportionately large amount of time looking for sex compared to how much sex it gets me. the choice overwhelms me, the messaging stresses me out and the vast majority of conversations dont go anywhere, they are people i just dont get on with and can even escalate into a very negative exchange. without dating apps, this wouldnt exist. the constant thinking about who might be near that is worth sleeping with. the thinking of what to say in your messages, the games, the bullshit, the tiptoeing around the issue. I just want good, kinky sex and Tinder and Bumble do not get me that. it is not a mutually beneficial relationship. I fundamentally disagree with the way most people see life and the human condition, so why force myself to interact with tens of people a day i dont need to. why get more and more frustrated that yet another seemingly interesting guy is just another person i dont like? why do i want to get frequently dissappointed about how bland most peoples sexual interests are? the more people i encounter people i dont like and the more people i speak to with “normal” interests, the more i feel like an outsider, isolated, frustrated and angry. For what? to find the occasional person i meet who actually has a interesting personality and sexual interests? The numbers dont add up. There are places for people with a richer, kinkier, sex life on the internet and i can use those from now on, when i want to find sex. not, like the dating apps, being constantly online, nearby, available, contactable, 24/7, the possibility that at any point i might find the unicorn ive been looking for being just swipes away. Its too much of a constant demand on my brain. And it doesnt need to be. When i looked back on my stats with dating apps the trends are very interesting in how my behavior has changed. I was having the most frequent sex with various partners when I was partying a lot, travelling australia, sober, meeting people in the real world, a lot. And most of my great memories and good sex have been with people ive met in real life who i would have swiped left on in any dating app anyway. I think i might actually keep my profiles and change my bios. Put what i specifically want and links to my work project and my blog or sky stuff. fuck it. use it. dont let it use me. people who really want to interact with me in real life can email me from there.

Now ive got all that out i can inform you i have indeed finally had sex. the most average, normal, slightly painful for me, smile and enjoy it, sex. of course he was gorgeous. he had to have had some kind of selling point for me! he was the hottest one in my tinder roll for the area, muscly, tanned, confident, sexy, very republican, ex military, southern gentleman. we got on good considering the differences. and his body and penis were a solid 10, literally, wink wink. but damn, he did not know how to use it. i did get to suck his dick for a bit and thoroughly enjoyed myself. when it comes to sex, there is a difference between when a man is doing what feels good to him and what feels good together. this sex was the former. i was so consumed with worry about how he was using this massive cock i had no concept of me enjoying it. however it was sexy and i was thoroughly complicit in letting him fuck how he wanted to. there was several occurrences of sex in the night time and the morning. and i think there was at least one vibrator assisted orgasm. there might have been more, or they might have been that, is it a orgasm or is it just pain or is it just a lot going on, but i also might have played up the amount of pleasure i got to him. he was just so cute. he got us a hotel room, so that was fun and nice. his skin was so smooth and his ass was amazing. i spent a good hour just stroking and fondling his butt while we were there. but he wouldnt let me anywhere except the cheeks as he said “im straight”. boo. he was really nice to be around. had lots of energy, had a interesting life, i was into how he was hot, worked out, had a good job, nice truck, family money, travels a lot, etc. the do it all gentleman. even though i dont want to do anything, its still very attractive and admirable. how is there time in the day to be that much everything! i guess ultimately he wasnt good at everything! this was Wednesday night, i was supposed to go to the sex club but i opted for him instead. he left for a bit of work then thanksgiving lunch on the thursday morning at like 9am. They were still serving breakfast in the hotel so i had a nice free breakfast and then went back to the room for a much needed shower. i even blow dried and curled my hair…but i still didnt wash it, 5 months strong! so i scratched the itch, but again didnt get what i was looking for.

and now after my no dating apps rant, ive got a message from someone who might actually be good! damnit.
still havent been to the sex club. still intending to go tonight.